2:36 a.m. - 2001-07-20
Long Entry..
Long entry......
So I guess I am depressed. I can't stand to be in my room, but I can't stand to be around people either. Everything in my life seems to be a giant contradiction. I just want to erase my mind, just for a minute. Just for a minute let everything be ok. I have been ripping myself apart lately, blaming everything on myself, ripping on every fault I have, trying to figure out why my friendships arent doing well, trying to figure out why I dont have a girlfriend. But most of all I think ive been trying to figure out who the fuck I am. My friendships are suffering because of all this shit, and it's not fair for them, but at the same time it's not fair to myself to just go do things even though I just dont want to. One of the few times I have felt at ease in the last month was last night with people I dont know. It was really great meeting some new people who seemed to like me for who I am. Is someone really your friend if they expect you to be like them? I am starting to think not. I am my own person with my own beliefs and my own opinions. I want to believe that having a girlfriend, or getting away from Cedar Falls, or just sitting in my room will fix things, but I know in my heart that they won't. I need something. I am so damn lost.....
