5:00 p.m. - 2001-11-07
change
Right about now I really feel like I am going nowhere. I dont know why this all of a sudden hit me.....but my life seems to be this constant cycle of pure shit. I havent made a new friend (that isnt online...) in months. Shit I have barely spoken to a single (new) person at school (or outside) since it started....I dont have a job....I dont know what I want to do with my life. All I know is that there is so much to experience in life, and I have done about .2% of what is possible for just me to do. Maybe it's because I am not adventurous enough and I just want to follow this fucking planned life that everyone else I know is following....sometimes I wish I could take some time off from school and just move somewhere for a year and LIVE. Just fucking live. I want to do it so badly.....I want to just write songs, poems, and whatever is in my head, think about things and figure out who the fuck I am.I also want to learn guitar.....I just have this huge want..need really...to express myself in other ways. There is really noone I can do that with in words really, so I TRY and do it here, or in songs...but when life is how it now. I want to be somewhere that people dont give a shit about who I USED to be....just who I am now.Trying to change things is fucking hard. Too hard sometimes...Oye. I dont fucking know, I just wish I could move to Iowa City even, or just out of my parents house. Argh. Fuck.
If I could just afford plane tickets to go around wherever I wanted......I would go to these places: Colorado, California, and Texas. I see these places as 3 totally unique areas with different everything. Plus I know some cool people in each of the places from the internet or people moving away. That'd be sweet....kind off the topic though,hehe.
Fuck people. Shit. My friend said he was coming over to hang out, but decided not to since I am not going to give him the modem from my computer. What a shithead. Then he said "you have cool stuff, but dont have a job, it makes no sense" and I then hung up on him. I have explained the job thing to people many times and I dont need to hear it from my best friends. Argh. I have bitched enough for today. SHIT.
<3 The Short Fuck..err...Guy
