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3:18 a.m. - 2003-04-17 I fucking love Rilo Kiley so goddamn much. I am going to evalutate myself from an emotional/psychological standpoint. You know what I don't understand? I feel bad for everything. Constantly. Always. EVERYTHING. No matter what I say. I never say what I want to say, instead I say stupid shit that I regret saying. I don't know how to deal with things very well. I have low self-asteem, and I think that I may have some serious psychological problems. Of which I will not get into because I am scared enough by these things that i do not wish to talk about them. I am emotionally selective. I turn certain things about me on/off in different situations. But I always pick the wrong ones to turn off. Oh, and my extreme social fears. I dont know WHAT the fuck is up with that. One day I want to be the center of attention in a room with 800 people and the next day I get sick to my stomach if more than 2 people can see me at the same time. I take things wrong/too hard. If someone tells me something I assume that it means the most horrible possible situation that could come out of what they said x2 is what I think. This leads me to getting very emotional very quickly and is quite stressful. And leads to me being hurt far too easily. I spend all my time on my computer because I am not comfortable enough with who I am to act how I do on here around others. That and it allows me to hide from the things that scare me. There are very few people who know who I really am and 90% of them will read this. And could probably back up pretty much everything i'm saying. I am going to keep adding to this list of things. It's kind of interesting to pick out all the things I do to fuck myself over. Oh, and that's another thing. I constantly talk about changing things. I constantly talk about doing something new. I never do. I never follow through with anything. Why? Because i'm scared. I followed through with me saying i'm gonig to add to this list. Score for me. Anyway, i'm going to go. 3
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