2:28 a.m. - 2001-11-10
Fuck.
Ok, my last entry kinda sucked. I think I just realized I fucking HATE "the scene". It's just a way for people who dont fit it in "normal" society to fit in with their own group. But somehow within that group they become the same assfucks that the society they are avoiding are, only it's worse because they do it to people that are "like them". And maybe they arent like them, but ya know what? Sometimes people need to fucking open their eyes and let new things/people/ideas in.
I personally think that everyone I see at shows looks cool and seems cool when I am around, but they all look at me weird because I dont go to the shows that much. Reason being THEY FUCKING SUCK. I dont like bands that suck! All these fucking "emo" and "straight edge hardcore" and "screamo" and fucking bs is all a bunch of shit. If any of these bands had any talent they wouldnt play to a crowd of 20 people......that they all know. They wouldnt have to rent out a place themselves. Bands with talent get booked, they dont book themselves and then talk shit about the people who pay to see them. FUCK. I dont know how much sense I am making, but I really have felt like just fucking blowing off steam the last few days/weeks. Some of that previous comment may be a bit harsh, but it is true 92% of the time. Here anyway. (please note that I do not dislike hardcore/emo/screamo bands, just the 10 million shitty ones)
I also fucking hate "scene style". I mean sure, I love how I dress, but I hate how dressing like this puts me in some fucking category of being. I mean, I dont care if you call me shit, I dont care, because you are the dumbfuck, but like i've said before I DONT claim to be anything. I listen to punk music, I AM NOT A FUCKING PUNK. I listen to emo, I AM NOT A FUCKING EMO KID. I listen to ska, I AM NOT A FUCKING SKANKER. I just like music! And I like being myself! If you can't understand that then go fuck a dog you ignorant pos!
I also fucking hate the fact that I feel a pressure to fit in somewhere. My friends are all so different...I am friends with all types of people and due to this I seem to stick out when I am with them. I dont alter how I look to fit in with them.....but I always feel like I should try. And sometimes when I am with them and I see kids that "look like me" I feel weird because I think they are going to call me a poser. Which I shouldnt care about because they are the fucking dumbasses who are being that judgemental.
I just want to fit in and find a cute girl that digs me and the same style of music. I fucking hate being alone.
Fuck. I hate swearing so much, but I fucking need to every now and then. Fuck.
