3:34 a.m. - 2001-12-12
dreams
Ok, just need to vent a bit...
I am afraid. I am horribly afraid not being accepted. Now this may seem like something that is normal...but I mean i am afraid of not being accepted by people that have already accepted me, or are in that stage. This isnt related to any certain person or group, just in general. I could give a shit less about meeting people, because I dont do that. But when I DO and they seem to like me or whatever I get all weird and worried that they dont and such. I hope this makes sense to you....because it doesnt to me. I am also afraid of never finding someone..now I know that is stupid because I am so young...but it is freakin scary man. I see all these people around me that are like in love, or falling in love, or even getting married, and they arent much older than me...and I just start to wonder what I am doing wrong. Or what it is about me that is just not there...I also have been thinking about who I am, and how people put so much emphasis on how one dresses...just so they can label that person as "punk" or "emo" or "goth" or "jock" or whatever the label may be, and how I really dont fit in anywhere. And that makes me happy in many ways, but it also freaks me out....because I feel like the people who are certain ways are going to not want to know me just because of that, but as I said earlier that really doesnt bother me that much....because I dont make it a point to meet people. I dont really know what I am trying to say here, or whatever. I am basically just recycling everything I have said so many times in here......but it's what i'm thinking about......and it's what I felt like putting down.
I wish my dreams werent just mine.
Anyway, its 4am and none of that made sense. Argh. Whatever.
